87 Comments
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Tod Cheney's avatar

Thanks for sharing the Kallman syndrome with us Tina. First I've heard of it. Now there's a name, and science, behind all the men driving huge 4WD pickups around America. Corroborates my theory, the smaller the penis, the bigger and louder the truck.

Tina Brown's avatar

I am laughing out loud at this observation. T

Trumpelstilskin's avatar

Believe it or not Tod, your theory corroborates with one put forth by the Germans decades ago that this Fresh Hellion heard time and time again concerning large automotive tail pipes, , "Je größer das Rohr, desto kleiner der Schwanz." The bigger the pipe, the smaller the prick. Or as Terri Garr said. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPUfegHcl0I

Tina Brown's avatar

Good Gott! How echt of the Germans!

Trumpelstilskin's avatar

Dear T,

Few if anyone would say the Germans have a great sense of humor, yet when it comes to flatulence, can you say floating an air biscuit? The jokes and the satire run far and wide throughout the entire culture. No better example is Frank Zappa's influence on the Germans, particularly the Ossies. In the former DDR city of Bad Doberan there is the Zappanale festival every summer. https://www.zappanale.de/en/

susan kearney's avatar

I laughed so hard reading your comment that I scared my cats. Bravo, well done!

Tina Brown's avatar

sorry, moggies

kerreee's avatar

The other TDS--Tiny Dick Syndrome.

michellefromchicago's avatar

A gay friend of mine used to refer to people like Donald Trump and Pete Hegseth as “hysterical macho overcompensaters.” ‘Nuff said…

Tina Brown's avatar

I like this and suggest we make HMO a new acronym. T

Dr. Veritas's avatar

Once, staggering out of a bar in South Carolina, some Good Ol Boys in front of a jacked up pickup truck leered at us. “I am so sorry about your penis”, my friend said. That was years ago but I still consider it the best comeback line ever.

Tina Brown's avatar

That's pretty good. Reminds me of that Tina Fey line I'm sorry but the Hubble Telescope is still searching for your penis T

Patricia J Cassady's avatar

Trump’s short, mushroom-shaped penis, as described by Stephanie Clifford (Stormy Daniels), gains him entry into this club of misfits. Evil, crazy, mean men whose cruelty towards women distracts them while they attempt to run/ruin the world!

Jennifer Blackburn's avatar

Tina you are one of the best writers ever. You deserve a Pulitzer. You made me cringe while reading this piece and laugh out loud.

Tina Brown's avatar

How great to get this after 44 minutes since pressing publish!Thx so much

Tina Brown's avatar

Ooh that makes me blush but thanks. Your enjoyment better than a PulitzerT

Katie Couric's avatar

Wow. Trump’s is a mushroom, Epstein’s a lemon. Micropenises are going to destroy the world. This was hilarious.

Tina Brown's avatar

You are so right, Katie and let's not forget Harvey Weinstein. This is a scary club.

Trumpelstilskin's avatar

That's it! The perfect name for the new sex shop in Trump Tower NYC, Mushrooms and Lemons! Katie you're a genius!

Deirdre LaMotte's avatar

Agree Jennifer! Vanity Fair went downhill after Tina Brown. Now we have delicious pieces every week!

Damion Matthews's avatar

She was very charitable in her recent New York Times podcast interview when asked about Graydon Carter's bizarre negativity towards her. But Carter's bitterness won't change the fact -- everyone knows the magazine was best before he got there.

Trumpelstilskin's avatar

From a wolf giving you a, "bayeful masturbatory glare," lemons for manhood, and Die Führer, is like watching Robin Williams and Groucho playing improv ping-pong. Wow!

Tina Brown's avatar

I was having fun, I must admit.......T

Julie's avatar

My personal wish is that Tina would be at the helm of The New Yorker again.

Jennifer Blackburn's avatar

She changed it for the better imo. My parents were long time NYr subscribers and were at first hesitant about her taking the helm. But she saved it and hired some of the best writers they ever had including David Remnick who is now the editor. It’s the only magazine I still subscribe to and she is the reason for bringing into the 21st century I love her Substack and so many of her books and I bet she doesn’t miss being an editor of a magazine now!

Tina Brown's avatar

I just love listening to all you Fresh Hellions throwing complements around. THANK YOU

Damion Matthews's avatar

Wolff’s defense of his friendship with Epstein is pathetic. Even in his unpublished 2015 article he downplays how much he knew about Epstein before the first arrest.​

He drafted two versions of his account of their first meeting, which took place on February 20, 2002, when TED arranged for a group to fly to its conference in Monterey on Epstein’s jet. In Version 1, Wolff says Epstein boarded “accompanied by three young women not his daughters, witty, poised, helpful, and beautiful.”​

In Version 2 this becomes “Epstein’s three companions were witty, poised, helpful as well as powerfully alluring— as though stewardesses of bygone times,” quietly dropping the word “young.”

Yet in a 2007 interview with Philip Weiss for "New York" magazine, Wolff described the same scene as: “He was followed onto the plane by—how shall I say this?—by three teenage girls not his daughters. Not adolescent girls. These are young, 18, 19, 20, who knows? They were model-like.”​

They looked like teenagers, but “who knows?”— Wolff plainly didn’t care enough to find out. He was with these people during an eight‑hour flight to California, but as a journalist he didn't inquire who they were or why they were there? Thankfully we have the flight logs and Edge “Billionaires’ Dinner” photos to identify them.​

Epstein was traveling with three women: Sarah Kellen (22), Cindy Buklarewicz Lopez (about 21), and Kelly Bovino (27). Sarah has been widely reported as one of Epstein’s core enablers, and it remains unexplained why she's not in prison alongside Ghislaine Maxwell.​

Kelly has been accused of enabling and participating in abuse— Virginia Giuffre tweeted in 2020: "Kelly Umekubo formerly Bovino ran a charity for runaways during her Epstein days- she sexually abused me with Epstein. Confronted her tonight, received a verbal attack back. Deny all u want I C U."

Cindy, the youngest, apparently looked to Wolff like a teen. Online investigators have traced her back to Jean‑Luc Brunel’s Karin Models agency and to Epstein’s circle between roughly 2001 and 2003, after which she disappears from his logs.​ What happened to her?

Whether Cindy was a willing participant is unknown, but it's striking that none of the very smart, very rich, very powerful people on that plane seemed to find her presence odd.

Two of the world’s most famous cognitive scientists—Steven Pinker and Daniel Dennett—were on that flight! Pinker later claimed “there was nothing suspicious on the flight itself,” raising the question of what good all that expertise on human behavior is if you can sit with Epstein and three of “his girls” for eight hours and sense nothing wrong.

** Notes **

The other people on the 2002 flight with Michael Wolff:

Steven Pinker - One of the world's leading cognitive psychologists

Daniel Dennet - Philosopher and cognitive scientist

Richard Cook - Chairman of Walt Disney Studios from 2002 to 2009

Geraldine Laybourne - Nickelodeon co-founder

Carolyn Miller - Founder of Child Mind Institute

Geraldine & Kit Layborne - TV executives

Nina Zagat - Founder of the Zagat Restaurant Surveys

John Brockman & wife Katinka Matson

David Rockwell - Architect

Virginia's Tweet: https://x.com/VRSVirginia/status/1226409088390586368

Wolff's Draft, v.1: https://journaliststudio.google.com/pinpoint/document-view?collection=092314e384a58618&utm_source=collection_share_link&p=1&docid=231b5e4af7331efe_092314e384a58618_0&page=1&dapvm=2

Wolff's Draft, v. 2: https://journaliststudio.google.com/pinpoint/document-view?collection=092314e384a58618&p=1&docid=793cc0b0d482a267_092314e384a58618_0&page=1&dapvm=2

New York Magazine, 12/17/2007: https://archive.org/details/sim_new-york_2007-12-17_40_45/page/n43/mode/1up?q=plane

Tina Brown's avatar

what a fascinating pay-load of info. Are you writing a book or just a Wolff/Epstein expert? T

Damion Matthews's avatar

Hah, no, just an insomniac who prefers research to sleep.

Emmyjay's avatar

It’s been disconcerting to see Michael Wolff emerge as the oracle of Epstein. Given his gossipy catalog I’m surprised Epstein chose him as his Boswell. I wish would hurry up and finish his book so we can find out what he’s holding back

Tina Brown's avatar

Seems he's not writing a book because no one will publish it. Which is strange in and of itself. T

peninsula's avatar

Why write a book? He's turned 'I know them best, Trump and Epstein, 2 for 1' into an ongoing income. Presumably, the book/s come at the end as interest begins to wane.

Damion Matthews's avatar

Indeed. If Epstein wanted Wolff to write his biography, it wasn't for his investigative skills.

Tina Brown's avatar

I think Epstein would see Wolff as the Insider's savant. Someone he needed to seduce because of his own web of contacts.T

Jennifer Ward Dudley's avatar

Tina. There’s more to come . Much more . Of that I’m sure. You know the character of the DJT beast . He’s an asp with poison in its tongue . If the “files” are released (un

redacted ) Epstein’s Pandora’s box is going to expose powerful men who were directly involved having sexual encounters. The list is endless. As for Jeff’s tiny lemon penis? Ew

Tina Brown's avatar

But how many of them had micropenises? Thats the question of the day

Jennifer Ward Dudley's avatar

Tina. All this time I figured to be or not to be is the question …

Robert Risko's avatar

I’m sure ALL of them do/did suffer that condition! That’s one reason I have a hard time visualizing Trump as a rapist. I can easily visualize him wearing women’s panties under his suits though with Melania as dominatrix walking on his belly wearing stilettos! ( while he pleasures his mushroom ). That’s easy.

susan kearney's avatar

I will never look at a lemon and an egg in the same way again, now that I've read this post.

Tina Brown's avatar

But what about a mushroom? According to Stormy Daniels this was Trump's special charm.

David Roberts's avatar

Tina,

You re dong your part in keeping this story at the forefront. Justice should arrive for everyone involved.

Tina Brown's avatar

Thanks. It seems to have endless legs and I do wonder if we will ever get to the bottom of it.

James Butler's avatar

I have always felt there are two sides to this story, the sexual perversion of these men and Maxwell and then the money side, which will be just as egregious. One of these emails referenced the mortgage on Mar A Lago. I think that is what the White House and its associates are trying to hide as much as the sexual acts, the financial depravity, illegal gains, tax evasion, and so on. Now that Trump has given the green light to release it will be interesting to see how many are redacted, missing and so on. I have visions of Pam Bondi staying up late feeding documents into a paper shredder.

Tina Brown's avatar

I agree a hundred percent. In a sense sex is now the red herring. I think its financial revelations that Trump fears more .T

James Butler's avatar

Hi Tina! Thank you for your reply! I am enjoying your substack so much! Bravo!

Nan's avatar

I assumed there were no cameras in the massage room bc Epstein didn’t want evidence of himself committing rape. But maybe there was a little something else that he didn’t want a record of.

Tina Brown's avatar

I am told there were cameras everywhere until a tip off before a police raid.

Kalpana Mohan's avatar

I was cackling throughout this piece. I believe you'd used the word priapic yesterday. Perfect!!!! Are these the sorts of people we have in the guise of men? (And Churchill had the gall to call Gandhi a half-naked fakir? I've never got over that one.) The only thing that differentiates humans from the rest of the animal kingdom is our ability to think. In a perfect world, a man like J. Epstein really needed to be dropped in the middle of the Serengeti during the migration of the wildebeests.

Tina Brown's avatar

I fear there are all too many like him. But haven't checked the Serengeti lately. T

SB's avatar

I am amazed that more has not been made of the email correspondence between Epstein and Bannon. Given Bannon's place within the MAGA universe, I would have thought that his attempts to strategise the rehabilitation of E, even after everything was known, would demonstrate not only Bannon's complete moral bankruptcy, but also the elite-related hypocrisy so hated by and antithetical to MAGA's base.

Tina Brown's avatar

You are right and not sure why Bannon is not suffering over this. He was just as much a consigliere as Wolff, but more so and a Maga megaphone to boot.

Sharon Doyle's avatar

Please make your type darker for people your/my age🙄.

Paul Watkins's avatar

Tough read, great writing. The Sunday Times in London had an interview with Rina Oh a fortnight ago - an extraordinary read. A very clear insight into how an art student got drawn into a terrible situation.

Tina Brown's avatar

Yes , it was appalling the way Epstein used these women's career aspiration as a way to con them into his web.

Jane L's avatar

This is getting a bit ridiculous. Salem, 2025.

A man serves his time and re-enters his life. "Gasp! How could he do such a thing?!"

Come on, people. If you agree to the rule of law, then you need to understand that whatever your opinion, justice and restitution is decided by the courts. Whatever Epstein's sins were or weren't, he complied with his punishment. Once he was no longer in jail, there's no reason that he shouldn't have been allowed to re-enter his previous life.

Which brings me to my next point: how many of these people with pitchforks against Epstein's friends and business associates purport to be Christian? Maybe they should go re-read The New Testament and remind themselves of the concept of forgiveness.

Maybe instead of raising pitchforks against people that - at this point - are only guilty of associating or being friends with Epstein - should instead look in the mirror. They might see that they're nothing more than sadists.

Tina Brown's avatar

I think the difference here is that Epstein got off with a slap on the wrist sentence when anyone with a less powerful lawyer and friend circle would have been incarcerated for many many years. There were multiple women who could and should have been made part of his case and it was bargained down to a puny charge that allowed him to go virtually scot-free

Maureen Dorsey's avatar

He died before he could be tried. There were finally very significant charges against him that were going to be tried in court.

Jane L's avatar

Incorrect. He was prosecuted and served time in FL for the alleged crimes. The 2019 charges are pretty much the same as what the AUSA for Southern Florida were investigating: getting rub 'n' tug massages from girls. The 2019 indictment actually mentions the original FL allegations.

Maureen Dorsey's avatar

He had minimal charges in the Florida case. Acosta cut him some sweetheart deal re any federal charges in 2008 and the federal court in NY considered that they were not beholden to that and arrested him on additional charges. He was denied bail and waiting for trial when he ended up dead. This trial in NY had more charges than his Florida trial.

Tina Brown's avatar

Tremendous detailed knowledge in these comments - i love this badinage T

Jane L's avatar

Your understanding of the case is incorrect.

Acosta and the USAO of Southern Florida are the reason why Epstein agreed to plead to ANY charges at all. Earlier in the investigation, Epstein's defense team advised him to pass on a much lighter deal because they though they could get him off without ANY charges. The Acosta plea deal ensured that Epstein would (a) face jail time, (b) be requireed to register as a sex offender, and (c) be required to pay compensation to the victims.

There simply wasn't a very good case against Epstein in the first place, which is why the FL state attorney's office was not inclined to file charges. The grand jury only came up with one charge. Even the federal prosecutors in USAO thought it was a crap shoot that a trial would be successful. That's why a plea deal was was deemed a prudent solution to ensure Epstein saw criminal punishment.

I suggest reading the US DOJ OPR investigation report, which lays out the facts of the original case and prosecution: https://context-cdn.washingtonpost.com/notes/prod/default/documents/1c1f6649-226e-4afa-953e-826dee8de3b5/note/49b577fa-6ad8-415d-8efc-c553423af314.

Further, yes, the 2019 case had more charges, but again, it re-iterated Florida charges and the additional charges are essentially the same as the Florida ones but placed in NY. They are also from the same time period that the NPA referenced. You can read the indictment here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:U.s._v._jeffrey_epstein_indictment_0.pdf

And, no, the federal judge in NY had not yet made a ruling about whether the NPA applied to the SDNY's indictment or not at the time of his death.

Trumpelstilskin's avatar

Jane L,

Point well taken, and agree with many of your statements, in particular: "how many of these people with pitchforks against Epstein's friends and business associates purport to be Christian?"

This Fresh Hellion is aware of one; the guy who grabbed the Bible and marched across Pennsylvania Avenue across from the White House, with his Secret Service detail, to have his picture taken in front of a church holding a Bible in his hand.

I noticed he has been denouncing Epstein on a regular basis for well over a year. Strange isn't it how this Christian was completely against having the Epstein files released and calling it a, "democratic hoax." Maybe you should remind that fella to read the New Testament and remind himself of the concept of forgiveness? Just a thought.

Jane L's avatar

I'm not the one with a Trump name, so perhaps it should be you.

Maureen Dorsey's avatar

Epstein was a high level pimp with international clients of the mover and shaker class. As emails from his estate are revealing, guys like larry summers asked about getting a woman from epstein. Others are detailing guys asking about children that epstein has available. Who knows how much evidence that the files held by the FBI will show regarding the pimping but also the money laundering.

Jane L's avatar

That's not what the emails said. Do you think the 1969 moon landing was fake, too?

Epstein wasn't a pimp. He was someone who paid for sexual favors for himself. And only himself.

There have been plenty of "Epstein files" out there for years, but people don't actually read what's out there and instead affix their fascination on wild rumors instead of reading through the boring facts that are already out there.

L Simmons's avatar

You are the winner of the Defend Epstein sweepstakes. Congrats. I am sitting trying to figure out what your game is

Jane L's avatar

I’m not defending Epstein; I’m pointing out facts.

It’s really telling how much people don’t actually know about the case when pointing out the actual facts gets derided as criminal defense.

Instead of believing a conspiracy fantasy, perhaps you should read facts that are already out there. I would suggest reading the DOJ Office of Professional Responsibility investigation report to start: https://context-cdn.washingtonpost.com/notes/prod/default/documents/1c1f6649-226e-4afa-953e-826dee8de3b5/note/49b577fa-6ad8-415d-8efc-c553423af314.

Tina Brown's avatar

Gotta say your Epstein angles feel like his defence lawyer. Have you been involved with the case? Its great to hear this perspective T

Jane L's avatar

And you're exposing a problem with your writing on this subject. You do no fact checking at all. You're no journalist. DO BETTER.